When Good Dress Codes Go Bad

Read recently about an office that is banning flip-flops as appropriate summer-wear in the office even on casual Friday. All sorts of employees wound up in a twist about this limitation of their rights and such. So clearly some eduction is in order…so here you have Why Flip-Flops Are Such A Bad Footwear Choice:

 

  • The sound. Itís just not good. Flip. Flip. Flip. Flip. Then the pathetic spectacle of someone running in these shoes? Flipflipflipflipflip Have you seen someone running across the road in flip flops? Thatís just a cry for help Iím thinking.
  • Public bathrooms ñ I canít believe I have to even explain this one. Dudes: UrinalsÖenough said, I would hope. Standing there, your bare skin separated from all the previous visitorsí splashing and poor aim and then you manage to splash a couple of drops over the side right onto your own bare toes. Mixing a little pee along any existing toe-jam seems like plenty of argument against.
  • Toenail fungus. Yes, itís true that not all those who wear a toe-thong also have that lovely and attractive yellow crusty toenail fungus, but some do. Yes, itís true, because Iíve seen you. Yes, you sir. On the shuttle bus from the parking lot to the airport wearing a ball cap, a polo shirt, khaki chinos, and rubber flip flops. And right there, your big toenail is curled up and yellow and so riddled with fungus that I was shocked that some of the funk didnít crawl across the floor to try to get at my sock and my own leather-covered pristine toes. SO icky.
  • Cracked heels. Directly related to the toenail fungus aboveÖdry summer weather often leads to lovely cracked heels which, despite being wicked painful, are also the PERFECT little open garage-door for all kinds of wonderful fungus, bacteria and other nasties. Whatís that you say? You slap a band-aid on that gash and think thatís good? GraciousÖyouíre too far gone.
  • Poor fit. I think that this is one of the defining icky things about flip flops. Given that there is only one attachment point that keeps the shoe on the foot, it is inevitable that the farther one gets from that attachment point (the toe-thong), the more likely there is possibility for misalignment. In short, heels spill over the edge of the shoe, often making direct contact with the ground. This would be less problematic if the flip-flopper were simply barefoot because the inclusion of the shoe means that the errant heel carries grime from the ground back up to the flip-flop mixing that grime with some foot sweat to make a lovely soup (remember the pee from the urinal guys? Add that in there, too).
  • Bars and other public places ñ youíre out for happy hour having a great time laughing with friends, sipping a refreshing summer cocktail in your trendy cargo shorts, tank top and your favorite pair of flip-flops. Someone tells a funny ìoh-no-she-didnítî story and as you throw back your head for a hearty guffaw your elbow brushes the person next to you. SplashÖyouíve got Cosmo backwash dripping through your toes. Add that sticky mess to the pee, the fungus, the road grime, and the various bacteria and now youíre a science experiment. Then think about putting those nasty feet under the covers of your otherwise clean bed next to your loved oneÖ.gracious, I need some Pepto.

~Drone~

2 Responses to “When Good Dress Codes Go Bad”

  1. Clobbersaurus says:

    Back in the day when I was employed, I teased my coworkers about wearing flip flops by imitating the sound they make (“flip flop flip flop”) when they said individuals would walk by wearing them. It made them self-concious and eventually, they stopped wearing them. Huzzah for me!

  2. BitterOldMo says:

    I’m going to add to this:

    Under no circumstances should anyone EVER wear an oxford shirt untucked. You just look like all shades of white trash when you do this, so just don’t.

    Oh, and at LEAST make the damn shirt fit.

    Losers.

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