The Bitter Corporate Drone

OK, so if half the battle if showing up, I’m definitely a winner today! Wait. That doesn’t make sense because as of this writing, not only did I show up, but I completed day 2!

Structured basically like Day 1…90 seconds walking, 60 seconds running…or something like that, with a 5 minute walk at the beginning and the end for warm-up / cool-down.

This workout totally wins for setting me up for success. I wasn’t really sore after day 1 and here after day 2, I felt like I could have done more but was glad for the slow ramp-up.

Sunny day which was nice, and I went down 9th Ave about 15 blocks before the handy voice told me I was halfway and should turn around.

This was 3 days after day 1…I think day 3 will be in two days (so, Wed).

So many folks seem to be having success with this “Couch to 5K” approach to running and I hate to be that guy who constantly seems to be searching for what will work.

Here I am. That guy.

Data points that compel me:
1. “I’m on week 8 and I’ve lost 15 pounds!”
2. In my own dreams I don’t fly; I run. Effortlessly and tirelessly, I run like other people fly: for transportation and some joy.
3. “A year ago I started walking with friends and after this program I’m on my second half marathon.” (do two halves make a whole?)

So I started and it was, it must be said, easy. Walk/run/walk/run/etc. for 31 minutes. Throughout I had some minor knee pain…you know, in that knee that lacks the cushioning benefit of soft tissue? But I’m deciding that it’s due to that knee being asked to step up and fend off infirmity with the rest of the joints.

In an un-related note, I’m also 5 days vegan as of today (if I finish today). Not related except in the global sense of working to find something that works.

Over-analyzing aside I can say: C25K Day 1 is done.

Just came from the gym. Summer’s ending, time to get focused and working with a trainer keeps me focused. Checkbook in hand, I show up and ask for Gary.

Of course. Of course Gary doesn’t work there anymore, because this particular Gold’s Gym powers through employees like they are ratty towels. First there was John who I liked, so obviously he quit. Then there was Brandon who was so busy watching spandex-clad beauties in the gym that I feared for my safety, then he was fired. So I got sent to Michael, who was amazing and skilled…it’s sad to me that my commitment to working out and my time with Michael didn’t coincide but never mind…he left, too. Then Lyle who was cute as hell, but his attendance was sporadic at best until he just disappeared. Then Steve, who is most memorable because he was my trainer while the gym was being “remodeled” (which amounted to new paint and rubber floors that are now coming up), so Steve and I worked out in the parking lot until Steve was fired. After Steve was Cory which was when it occurred to me that a commitment on my part was more likely to get results, so I saw Cory a lot. Of course, Cory was fired and I was handed to Gary. I got spoiled because Gary was around for a year or so before I arrived just today and was told that he was also gone. Of course.

So I got a dose of ‘tude about my lack of commitment to the gym from another in a long string of Fitness Managers, and I make an appointment with a twenty-something trainer on Thursday. Based solely on my extensive experience with the Personal Training Revolving Door at North Seattle Gold’s Gym, I thought I would jot down some guidelines for personal trainers (*note: I refer to men training men here since that’s my experience, but probably it applies in all gender combinations and some age combinations as well.)

Customer Service – This is basic and I won’t spend much time on it. Remember that your client is also your customer. He can spend his money somewhere else if he isn’t getting what he wants. Piss him off, shame him or hurt him and he will.

Foreign Territory – Despite the fact that you work and play in the gym and likely know each different machine and free weight by it’s given name, your new client doesn’t. Machines seem safe because out-of-shape guys like him are on the machines and also because the machines usually have an instruction card on how to use them. Free weights are scary because all the big buff guys are over there and there are  no instruction cards. Don’t assume that your client knows his way around the equipment or free weights and remember that the gym is a scary place for LOTS of people, so familiarity with the equipment as well as the customs and social expectations will make him feel comfortable.

Lose the ‘tude – The fact that you have beautifully defined lats may be a source of pride and dominance in whatever pack you run in socially, but while you were refining your squat technique your client was getting his degree, or raising his children, or writing poetry, or loving his partner, or some other equally vital life experience. If you have the slightest eye-rolling impulse at hearing that your client doesn’t come to the gym at least 4 times a week I recommend you get really good at hiding that reaction. I also hope that someday you get audited by the IRS and need a pencil-necked geek with a pocket protector to keep your ass out of jail.

20’s and 40’s – I don’t give a crap how many pamphlets you read about bodies beyond their 40’s; assume that until you have one you don’t know a damned thing about them. They do not move or recover like they did in their 20’s and no amount of cajoling, ordering, shaming or gentle encouragement is going to change that. If your client is contorted into a position that makes his face all red and puffy, expect that somewhere in his mind the voice that craves ice cream at inopportune times is asking “Really?! We’re PAYING for this?!” and don’t expect to see him again.

Motivation – Take one fewer nutrition class and one more class on adult learning so you can learn how adults prefer to learn and how they are motivated. Hint: shame is NOT a motivator despite what is apparently taught to middle-school PE teachers and Personal Trainers across America. The more he is asked to do exercises that he cannot complete, the more he will associate the gym with a sense of failure and he will stop coming. Work with him on exercises and workouts that he can easily accomplish in the beginning so he will learn to associate going to the gym with a feeling of success. You’ll be shocked at how willing your client is to work out if he finds that it feeds his confidence as well as his muscles.

Goals – Stop asking what his freaking goals are. You KNOW what his goal is…it’s to get his ass into the freaking gym on a frequency somewhere between never and lifestyle choice. Work with him on techniques to motivate him to COME to the gym. Look around the gym at the number of people in the room compared to the number of people who pay for memberships. Where do you think all those other people are, stuck in traffic? Hell no, they’re at the Cheesecake Factory because it provides instant gratification and you don’t. If your opening line is asking what his goals are he’ll make up some bullshit about flexibility or strength or some such thing because he’s not willing to go all submissive and whimper that he just wants to have some muscles that are visible without benefit of an MRI.

Nutrition – Let go of the fantasy that you’re going to create change in the way he exercises AND the way he eats. Your recommendation (seriously, this is not made up) of boiled chicken breast and broccoli for two meals a day and a protein shake for the third meal of the day is as unreal as the idea that you will EVER understand the power that food has over some people.

No Pain no Gain –  If your view is so limited that you can’t conceive that the 43 year old man who hasn’t worked out in 6 months might need a lighter workout than the one you do 4 times a week, you’ll never see him again. He’ll wake up the next day a little stiff  but proud of himself for starting his workout schedule again.  The day after that he won’t be able to lower himself onto the damned toilet seat without a death grip on the window sill because none of his muscles work anymore. A week later when he’s finally able to walk without wincing, the LAST thing he’ll do is want to come back for more abuse. Refer to the previous point about motivation.

For some reason this seems to elude nearly every trainer I’ve worked with and many that I’ve simply viewed from afar. I hate going to the gym.

 My new board…2 falls, 1 poem and still going.

 The new patio

 loud mouth

  Roller Derby Halloween. We were hot.

  New firepit on the new patio

 Wine and chocolate tasting

  Fly fishing the Snohomish River

 Snowed in

Jan, Jeff, Patty, Jarl, Sue and I hit the island yet again this past summer. We’re so cool.

 Every night…just like this. Wine in hand.

  Every morning, I look THIS pretty

  Jarl and Sue

 Some of us at the WA coast a few years ago

Great hiking to Rachel Lake in the Cascades. Steep hike, but worth it at the end. This is about 2/3 of the way up.

Yay for cold weather and oceans! Another great trip to the Sandpiper in Pacific Beach, WA.

 Feet

Dan

Me, flying a kite

Good morning Cannon Beach! Who doesn’t like getting up and seeing the ocean!? Aaaah.  They let me take my breakfast back to my room because the view from the room was MUCH better than from the little dining room.

All along, I had heard that rain was likely to start on Thursday, so here I am Thursday morning on borrowed time. I hate riding in the rain, but was willing to chance it. It’s cloudy this morning, but doesn’t feel rainy, so I’m feeling lucky.

I ride north, to Tillamook (famous for cheese, but I don’t stop at the cheese factory…I have to have some boundaries), then on to Astoria. Fewer beautiful ocean views at this point and those I did see were gray from the clouds.

I cross the Columbia River at Astoria on what (at the time) seems like the highest bridge I’ve ever been on…and I’ve been on a lot of bridges. The Columbia is just crazily huge here…the bridge starts really high, then speeds along closer to the water for what must be a mile or more. Then voila’…I’m in Washington! It feels just like home, but I’m still some ways from home.

Just across the river, I get to Cape Disappointment (I’m not mad…just disappointed) and there is the ubiquitous lighthouse, so I stop. A beach shot as I walk to the lighthouse.

I took about 5 pictures of the lighthouse, trying to get the light. I did, but it’s not terribly obvious.  So here’s the Cape Disappointment Lighthouse.

And then it rained. 

Overall, I was really lucky. I got very little rain on me except what fell as I walked back to the bike from the lighthouse, but the roads were VERY wet for more than a hundred miles at that point from Ilwaco, WA to Olympia. From Ilwaco, I rode for what seemed like forever in a flat, river-delta-looking wilderness. I wouldn’t have thought anything like that was in Washington. Here’s the Willapa Wilderness preserve. The photo doesn’t do it justice.

At this point, it was breezy, I was getting more rain and the roads were wet, wet, wet. So I hunkered down for the next 150 miles or so and just rode to get home. The roads dried out by the time I got on the interstate in Olympia, but I was ready to get home at that point.

Pulled in around 4ish on Thursday afternoon, I think. The Epic Unemployment Motorcycle Ride was fantastic.

Waking up in lovely Florence, OR the air freshener they used to clean at the Lighthouse Inn has me nearly gagging, so I head out. I had seen an espresso place on my walk last night, so headed there. The Americano was so good, I stood outside by the Siuslaw River and drank it, then promptly went back in for another. Good start to the day.

Back on the bike, today was all about the Oregon coast. Based on mileage, I should have been to Astoria by lunchtime, but there was MUCH to see. Many stops for pictures and appreciation. Within mere minutes on the road, I came across the World’s Largest Sea Cave which was the home to hundreds of sea lions! Well apparently, like much of central Oregon, the sea lions were out running seal-errands or something because the World’s Largest Sea Cave was pretty deserted. There was one quite seal sleeping in a corner, but it was too dark to photograph. Frankly, it may have been a sack of gravel for all I could tell. But I dutifully took totally dark photos of it (not shared…really, there’s nothing to see). Here’s the sea cave, though. It was pretty neato. I took an elevator down about 200 ft from the parking lot to the cave.

From the parking lot of the World’s Largest Sea Cave, I got this great look at the Heceta Lighthouse. They say it’s the most photographed lighthouse in the state (country?) which seems a little extreme, but it was a nice lighthouse.

I didn’t plan a lighthouse theme, but they seem like something that should be photographed on a trip like this, so there are a few more coming. But first…a bridge. I don’t know what bridge this is, but it was cool, so warranted a picture. That bridge is 101 and it had an exit that brought me under the bridge and to a beach. So after taking the picture, I crossed the bridge.

So at this point it’s pretty much amazing view after amazing view. Great road, not much traffic and beautiful sun and ocean for miles. I stopped for lunch in a town called Yachats (Ya-hats’) which was right where the Yachats River came into the ocean. I took this picture from the table where I had breakfast.

More great views, some more bridges and some lighthouses I didn’t take pictures of…this was an amazing day or riding. I recommend doing this on a weekday off season, it was SO easy. As the day wore on, it was apparent that I wasn’t going to make Astoria without unpleasant hurrying and I still wanted to stop and see Cannon Beach, which I had heard a lot about, but not ever seen.  So, unemployment be damned, I decided that I would stop in Cannon Beach for the night and furthermore, I would look for a hotel RIGHT on the beach. It seemed important so I went with it.

I stayed at the Stephanie Inn and the sliding glass doors of my room opened right up onto a bit of grass, then sand, then the Pacific. It was worth every penny. Here is the hotel from the beach. My room was on the far left end, on the first floor.

Here’s the view from my sliding door. Those rocks are Cannon Beach signature rocks, if there is such a thing. They seem to appear in every picture I’ve ever seen…I guess that’s how you tell that it’s Cannon Beach.

Here’s the rock somewhat closer. I spent a good bit of my time at Cannon Beach walking on the beach and when not doing that, just looking at the water.

Brrr….yes, it’s as cold as you probably imagine, but I don’t care. I am one with the Pacific.

Good night from the Stephanie Inn in Cannon Beach, OR. I can’t wait to come back here and NOT just because of the wine and cheese social in the afternoon, or because of the nightcap social (I had a port) in the evening.

Tomorrow is drive-home day.

SUCH a nice night at Jo’s Motel. The only down-side is that they didn’t open for food and espresso until 8:30 (yes…they had espresso!  No TV or wireless service, but espresso!). So because I was up early and ready to go I went to take some pictures. The property backs up to the Wood River and the proprietress (Jo?) recommended looking at stars near the river last night, but I was pretty sure I would end up getting lost.

Seeing the river this morning I’m pretty sure I would have ended up IN the river. It’s just right there! The grass in these pictures is frosty-crunchy. This is the same barn twice…it’s quite photogenic, so I got several pictures as the sun was coming up.

I got a chance to chat with the other proprietor (Jo?) while he was cooking my breakfast. The organic grocery store seemed to make a statement, so I asked him “why organic?” and we had a great conversation about his youth on a farm in Wisconsin, then his wife’s and his farm on the Oregon coast that they had sold to get the motel. By the way, the answer to “why organic?” was that he had a childhood experience being warned by his dad not to touch the seed corn one year because it had been chemically treated. Apparently at that young age he thought it was silly not to be able to touch seed corn (I don’t think I’ve EVER touched seed corn) so went organic.

So according to my plan, today was the day to head to the coast. My original plan was to drive south until Tuesday afternoon, then turn around. This was just Tuesday morning, but I wanted to get to the Oregon coast, which turned out to take longer than I had though. So I left high desert and alpine lakes and headed through the woods to the evil interstate.

Crossing to the east, I followed the Rogue River for many miles starting when it was just a small mountain river.  It gets BIG a little farther down the mountains, though. This is my bike parked at the Rogue River overlook.  The other pic is, obviously, the river itself. Roguish, no?

 No pics for awhile. I drove through much National Forest and apparently it was the day for controlled burns, so I drove through a good bit of smoke.  Big mossy trees, twisty deserted roads and me for many miles. Had lunch at Grants Pass, OR to figure out what to do next.

My choices were either drive south into California and pick up 101 there, or to head north and pick up 101 in Florence, OR.  The CA drive just seemed too ambitious, so I got on I-5 and did about an hour of freeway driving to get to the Roseburg area. All of this ate up Tuesday with fewer beautiful views than the past few days. Apparently the Columbia River and Crater Lake spoiled me.

I got off the interstate at Winston and continued west through the coast range. There was fog across the coast range which, from the sunny interstate, looked like a blanket draped over the mountain peaks. Then I headed under the fog blanket for a while and lost the sun until I got to the coast. Finally, finally, finally…my ass hurt, I was hungry, I was tired of fog and there there I was!

This is the Umpqua Lighthouse and was my first clear view of the Pacific. I got on 101 in Coos Bay, which sounds much cooler than it was. No ocean to see, bunches of industry and stuff…not photogenic at all. So I kept on until Florence, OR where I stopped at the Lighthouse Inn.  Slightly trashy, but fully functional.

From the Lighthouse Inn, I walked under the 101 bridge and had a mediocre seafood dinner at a restaurant on the Siuslaw (Sy-oos’-law) River. As a side note, bridges are quite a thing along the Oregon coast. I found out that most of them were designed by the same guy and some of them are really beautiful, if you like that sort of thing. After eating mediocre seafood and binging on really terrible lemon cake, I called Tuesday done. I had, as planned, gotten to Tuesday night and had headed north. It’s good to have a plan.